The Wizarding World Discovers Neopets
by fuzzynavaljewelry
Summary: Just a little something inspired by my guild members. You guys are great! By popular request, I'm going to try to come up with more characters instead of just Voldemort. Characters so far: Voldemort, Wormtail, Harry
1. Voldemort Discovers Neopets

"Wormtail!" bellowed a very cranky Lord Voldemort. The Muggle family he had come to kill happened to have a Squib and also happened to have a stock of Floo Powder. He tended to be cranky if he didn't get his daily dose of Muggle killings. And, unfortunately for Wormtail, he was a low fat substitute.

"Y-y-yes, m'L-lord?" stammered Wormtail as he slunk into the room.

"Come closer," Voldemort's voice was deadly quite. He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. Something else had caught his attention, "What is that?" He pointed to a computer sitting on a desk. Most Muggles had them and one was always using it when he came to kill them.

Wormtail blinked, "That? It's er...a personal computer. It is a form of Muggle entertainment." He paused to consider asking his master why he was interested in it, then dismissed the thought. It wasn't often that the Dark Lord forgot to torture him.

"How does it work?"

"Well, you push this to turn it on," the machine whirred to life, "and then you log on to one of the accounts." He clicked on the first name, Julie. Voldemort vaguely remembered that Julie was the youngest child.

"Now what, Wormtail?"

"You can do whatever you want. Just click on the pictures."

"I shall search this personal computer and see if I might be able to use it. Go search the rest of the house." Wormtail scampered away.

Scanning the pictures, Voldemort decided on a large, blue e. Another window popped up.

_Welcome to Neopets! Sign up here, it's completely free!_

Intrigued, he clicked there: _Choose a username._

"Lord Voldemort" _Sorry, usernames can't have spaces in them. _"LordVoldemort" _Sorry, that username is already taken. _"TheDarkLord" _Sorry, that username is already taken._

After many tries, he finally settled on LVwillruleyou.

_Getting started: Earn Neopoints to buy things. You can do this by playing games._

For the next ten minutes, Voldemort attempted to play Hannah and the Pirate Caves. After losing on the first training level for the 50th time in a row, he quit in frustration.

"Who is responsible for such evil as this game?"

He scrolled down the page and clicked on _About Us._

_Adam Powell currently has 11,070,972 Neopoints, more than you-haha!_

"You dare mock me Adam Powell! We'll see who has more Neopoints in the end. _Accio Adam's Neopoints_!" He grinned evilly as the page refreshed to show Adam with 0 Neopoints and him with 11,070,972 Neopoints. Something else had appeared on the page as well.

_Something has happened! You are now eligible to use 'Number Six' as an avatar on the Neoboards!_

The word _Neoboards_ was a link, so he clicked on it. A list came up with links, such as _Trades/Auctions_, _Games_, and _Help_. He clicked on the first one, _Avatars_.

_Lyk ONG!shft!1!one!1! Luk wut avv13 __i g0t!  
by: xsammyxpwnsx_

"Gah, my slits! What stupid Muggle code is this!" He clicked on the board made by xsammyxpwnsx.

_Posted by xsammyxpwnsx: Adam haz kn0w NP!one!1!1shift!  
__Posted by faifywasfrozen: sry, i don't speak noobish, ya noob!_

"So this strange text is noobish," he muttered.

_Posted by ratspwnu:_ _You pathetic noob! (attach) Crucio (/attach)_

Of course, only Voldemortsaw the attached curse. Muggles don't see anything now do they? Under the post, in the signature, was _Wizards click here_. So he did.

_Secret Wizards' Board_

_Voldemort haters come here  
by: snitchsnatcher_

"The outrage!" He clicked on the board.

_Posted by snitchsnatcher: So who thinks Voldemort's an ugly git?  
__Posted by sidekickboy: Hehe, I do:D  
__Posted by hogwartsahistory: Be careful you two:O  
__Posted by snitchsnatcher: I doubt he plays Neopets.  
__Posted by phoenixluver: I-being cleverer than most_-_agree.  
__Posted by hogwartsahistory: hmph :(  
__Posted by ratspwnu: You will pay! Wait until the Dark Lord hears of this.  
__Posted by sidekickboy: -gigglesnort- Yeah right!  
__Posted by snitchsnatcher: We all know you don't have the balls to do that, Wormtail.  
__Posted by LVwillruleyou: Is that you, Potter?  
__Posted by hogwartsahistory: Told you. Nyah!  
__Posted by snitchsnatcher: uh...g2g  
__Posted by sidekickboy: right behind you  
__Posted by hogwartsahistory: later  
__Posted by phoenixluver: Alas, I must be going as well  
__Posted by ratspwnu: LVwillruleyou, want to cyber?_

"G2g? Cyber?" Having has enough of chat speak, Voldemort clicked the_ News_ link.

_MUAHAHA! I, Dr. Sloth, have taken over Neopia..._

"WHAT! Noone but I shall rule! _Avada Kedavra!_" With that, the computer screen went blank.

"Wormtail! Fetch me another personal computer!"

**Five months later:**

Harry anxiously entered the Riddle mansion. He had destroyed all the Horcruxes and was going to face Voldemort for the last time. Remembering the dream he had the summer before his Fourth Year, he quietly navigated the house to the room he was sure Voldemort was hiding in. His breathing quickened as he passed through the door and raised his wand to the back of Voldemort's head.

"Go away, Potter, I've almost got the high score on the Return of the Return of Dr. Sloth."


	2. Wormtail Likes to Cyber

"I shall search this personal computer and see if I might be able to use it. Go search the rest of the house," his master ordered.

Wormtail scampered away, eager to put as much distance between him and the Dark Lord as possible. He couldn't believe his luck. He was getting off scot free, without punishment! Better yet,the Dark Lordwas on Neopets! This would make wonderful gossip in the guild, Death Eaters Anonymous. Luckily, Wormtail kept a laptop with him.

_Posted by ihearttorture_: _Well done, Severus. I didn't think you would actually do it.  
__Posted by greasygit: I suppose that's the closest thing I'll get to an apology, Bellatrix?  
__Posted by ratspwnu: Hey, guys, check out my new siggy:  
-__n00bs _Crucioed_: 5  
__Posted by awoooo: Wormtail, you pansy, we all know the only reason you pick on n00bs is __because you couldn't _Crucio_ a Wizard if your life depended on it.  
__Posted by greasygit: lol  
__Posted by ihearttorture: -gigglesnort-  
__Posted by ratspwnu:_ _You couldn't either!-complain-  
__Posted by awoooo: I don't need to, MUAHAHA! -picks teeth-  
__Posted by hexurbuttoff: Wormtail, you idiot, aren't you on assignment?  
__Posted by ratspwnu: Wouldn't you know it? A stinking Squib lived here. Got them all out a minute after we got there. But the Dark Lord managed to become occupied with their computer. He's playing around on Neopets as we speak lol!  
__Posted by hexurbuttoff: OMG!  
__Posted by awoooo:O  
__Posted by ihearttorture: YOU IDIOT! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO?  
__Posted by greasygit: Quick, delete all the messages. If he found them..._

Deciding to get out while he still could, Wormtail headed over to the Avatar Board.

_Adam has no NP's! go get the avvie!  
__by: amylilygrl_

Could it be true? He went to the _About Us_ page to check and squealed at what he saw.

_Something has happened! You are now eligible to use 'Number Six' as an avatar on the Neoboards._

Not believing his luck today, Wormtail went back to the Avatar Board to share the good news.

_Lyk ONG!shft!1!one!1! Luk wut avv13 i g0t!  
by: xsammyxpwnsx_

"Oh, goodie! Another noob to torture!"

_Posted by xsammyxpwnsx: Adam haz kn0w NP!one!1!1shift!  
Posted by faifywasfrozen: sry, i don't speak noobish, ya noob!  
__Posted by ratspwnu:_ _You pathetic noob! (attach) Crucio (/attach)_

He giggled with glee at the thought of the pain the Muggle must be in.

_-n00bs _Crucioed_: 6  
__Wizards click here_

"Hm, I wonder who's on the Secret Wizards' Board today."

_Voldemort haters come here  
by: snitchsnatcher_

This positively delighted Wormtail. Surely his master would see this and teach the Potter brat a lesson once and for all

_Posted by snitchsnatcher: So who thinks Voldemort's an ugly git?  
Posted by sidekickboy: Hehe, I do:D  
Posted by hogwartsahistory: Be careful you two:O  
Posted by snitchsnatcher: I doubt he plays Neopets.  
Posted by phoenixluver: I-being cleverer than most_-_agree.  
Posted by hogwartsahistory: hmph :(  
Posted by ratspwnu: You will pay! Wait until the Dark Lord hears of this.  
Posted by sidekickboy: -gigglesnort- Yeah right!  
Posted by snitchsnatcher: We all know you don't have the balls to do that, Wormtail.  
Posted by LVwillruleyou: Is that you, Potter?  
Posted by hogwartsahistory: Told you. Nyah!  
Posted by snitchsnatcher: uh...g2g  
Posted by sidekickboy: right behind you  
Posted by hogwartsahistory: later  
Posted by phoenixluver: Alas, I must be going as well  
Posted by ratspwnu: LVwillruleyou, want to cyber?_

He eagerly waited the reply of LVwillruleyou. It had been a long time since Wormtail had a good cyber, and this guy sounded like he could deliver. Unfortunately for him, the Dark Lord's voice rang through the house, shaking all the walls in its anger.

"Wormtail! Fetch me another personal computer!"

Muttering curses under his breath, he hastily stowed away his lap top. Angry though Wormtail was, even the Dark Lord's smallest tantrum meant trouble for Wormtail.

* * *

Now that the Dark Lord was occupied once again by the addicting splendors of Neopets, Wormtail busied himself with a few of his own tasks. The first order of business? Hate Neomail. 

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Brat!  
__Message: I did not appreciate the comment about my balls. (attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: ratspwnu  
__Subject: Re: Brat!  
__Message: How sad... (counter)(attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

Howling in pain, Wormtail uttered every vile name he could think of. Once the spasms stopped, he glanced up at the screen again to see that he had received another Neomail. It was from Lvwillruleyou!

_To: ratspwnu  
__Subject: cyber  
__Message: What is this 'cybering' you speak of?_

_To: LVwillruleyou  
__Subject: Re: cyber  
__Message: OHEMGEE! You don't know what cybering is? You poor deprived soul, you have not lived until you've experienced the pleasures of cybering. If you want, I'll be happy to show you;)_

The next hour was the best hour of Wormtail's life. He was sweating and grunting by the time he had to excuse himself to do other things, most of which would result in his death if he didn't complete them. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that LVwillruleyou had accepted his Neofriend request.


	3. Harry is Pwnful

Harry was silently seething. How dare Voldemort make a Neopets account? Now he would never hear the end of it from Hermione. She was right and he was wrong when _he_ was the one who could see into Voldemort's mind. And the one thing that could've cheered him up-Neopets, duh!-was infested by the very person that had caused all the trouble. Oh, a Neomail...

_To: snitchsnatcher  
Subject: Brat!  
Message: I did not appreciate the comment about my balls. (attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

He smiled. This was just the thing to cheer him up.

_To: ratspwnu  
Subject: Re: Brat!  
Message: How sad... (counter)(attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

Time for a new siggy.

_-Death Eaters pwned: 1_

Harry had become an expert at magic over the internet. It was really rather simple. All you had to do was route the magical parameters through the C-port, which only took a simple spell. Then the magic would permeate the circuits and become integrated in the execution. With a keyboard, a combination of an HTML-esque coding system and the actual incantations created a quick and wandless way to do magic. Many people knew the long, involved way to do it-typing the codes and then actually using the wand to enchant the words to perform the spell required. But Harry could do that without the annoying energy drain that came with enchanting the words and then from the actual spell and do it in half the time.

_To: sidekickboy  
__Subject: Idiots  
__Message: I -heart- stupid Death Eaters. Especially when they're pathetic too. That makes it easier to counter their curses._

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Re: Idiots  
__Message: Did you counter Wormtail's sorry arse?_

_To: sidekickboy  
__Subject: Re: Idiots  
__Message: You bet :D Check out my new siggy -pokes siggy-_

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Re: Idiots  
__Message: ROFLMAO! You should hang around the SWB and see if you can pwn anymore Death Eaters._

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Re: Idiots  
__Message: Are you suggesting that I purposefully annoy some angry Death Eaters, thus endangering my life?_

_To: sidekickboy  
__Subject: Re: Idiots  
__Message: Basically..._

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Re: Idiots  
__Message: Sounds like fun :D_

So Harry headed over to the SWB, also known as the Secret Wizards Board, to stake out some Death Eater boards.

_Mudbloods are scum!  
__by: thebouncingferretboy_

Not exactly Death Eaters, but it would do. Ok, so one is a Death Eater, details, details. That's not the point. The board would attract many aspiring Death Eaters, which was almost the same. And it would make it all the easier to pwn them.

_Posted by thebouncingferretboy: Blood traitors too! And we can't forget Saint Potter.  
__Posted by goodatposing: If you think about it, it's a good thing he's a hero and everyone loves him...  
__Posted by sonotjealousofhermio: -gasp- Don't tell me you're turning into a Potter fan.  
__Posted by mycatsheds: Aw, do you want his autograph?  
__Posted by thebouncingferretboy: Blaize, do you realize what you're saying?  
__Posted by goodatposing: All the Mudbloods and blood-traitors adore him and flock to him, right?  
__Posted by thebouncingferretboy: Yeah, that's why we hate him remember?  
__Posted by poodatposing: So when we go to capture Potter, all of them will be there and we can kill them off easily.  
__Posted by sonotjealousofhermio: ...that actually makes sense!  
__Posted by mycatsheds: Hey, Pansy, what's up with your sn?  
__Posted by sonotjealousofhermio: I couldn't fit _sonotjealousofhermionetheperfectlittlebitch_, so I had to cut it short.  
__Posted by thebouncingferretboy: Yeah, I thought my name wouldn't fit, but it barely did.  
__Posted by ittakes2: Um, we don't get it Blaize. -grunt-  
__Posted by goodatposing: Wow! I'm surprised you even managed to type that.  
__Posted by sonotjealousofhermio: Just because you two are so stupid that you have to play together on an account doesn't mean youhave todrag the rest of us down._

Harry grinned. He couldn't resist the opportunity.

_Posted by snitchsnatcher: Looks to me like you do a pretty good job of that on your own ;)  
__Posted by thebouncingferretboy: Potter!  
__Posted by goodatposing: Potter!  
__Posted by sonotjealousofhermio: Potter!  
__Posted by mycatsheds: Potter!  
__Posted by ittakes2: Potter? Where? ...Hey! That wasn't very nice, snitchsnatcher.  
__Posted by snitchsnatcher: Yes, my adoring fans, it is I, Harry Potter! Grovel before me. Say cheese! You've been screenied:D_

There's no way they're going to live this one down. That in itself was already five points, one for each of them, except for Crabbe and Goyle. They counted as one together since they didn't have two brains to rub together between them. Harry leaned back in his chair, waiting for the Hate Neomail to arrive.

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Potter!  
__Message: Just you wait. My father will hear about this! (attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: thebouncingferretboy  
__Subject: Re: Potter!  
__Message: Oh, wow! I'm shaking in my Wellington Boots now -rolls eyes- (counter)(attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Potter!  
__Message: Dirty Muggle-huggler! (attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: goodatposing  
__Subject: Re: Potter!  
__Message: At least I'm not a whore's son. (counter)(attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Potter!  
__Message: I can't believe you can stand to be around Mudbloods and not vomit. (attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: sonotjealousofhermio:  
__Subject: Re: Potter!  
__Message: You so are jealous of Hermione. (counter)(attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Potter!  
__Message: Don't make me start a cat fight -snaps fingers in 'z' formation- (attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: mycatsheds  
__Subject: Re: Potter!  
__Message: Geez, can't you guys come up with a more creative subject? (counter)(attach)_Crucio_(/attach)_

_To: snitchsnatcher  
__Subject: Potter?  
__Message: We think you're Harry. We're going to hurt you now. (attach)_Kroosio_(/attach)_

_To: ittakes2  
__Subject: Re: Potter?  
__Message: Wow..._

_-Death Eaters pwned: 10_

Drat! Those idiots together couldn't curse him, therefore he couldn't counter their spell, therefore he couldn't pwn them, which depressed him. Maybe a round in the Wizard's Dueldome would help.

The Wizard's Dueldome was like the Battledome, with some major differences of course. The great thing about the Dueldome was that it was relatively anonymous. No names whatsoever, just chatting. And the Neopets, randomly chosen to face each other, cast actual spells. Wands were uploaded onto the system and the Neopet used a pixelized replica. So Harry entered his Invisible Ixi, CloakedProngs.

_Your new opponent is NeoNagini5469 the Darigan Hissi.  
__What spell will you cast?_

A Darigan Hissi... A dangerous combination. Exactly the kind of dangerous combination that Death Eaters preferred. And Death Eaters also preferred to start off with _Avada Kedavra_. He decided to use the spell that had saved him many times before.

_NeoNagini5469 casts _Avada Kedavra.

He smiled. So predictable, Death Eaters. It was really rather pathetic.

_CloakedProngs casts _Expelliarmus.

Suddenly the screen went blank. Text started appearing, as if invisible hands were typing.

_Error  
__Run program _PrioriIncantatum.exe

_(Bgsound src-"scream.wav")  
__(Bgsound src-"scream.wav")  
__(Bgsound src-"scream.wav")  
__(img src-"echo-computer.gif")_

A computer? What the hell? Before Harry could inquire further, his computer sparked and died.

What a day...


End file.
